Glutton

It's been a while since I blogged. As usual, life got in the way and there just really wasn't time to write. Since my last post we have had another lengthy hospital stay with Ryan, he had his first post placement report finished and sent off to Bulgaria to show the progress he's making in a family, and he's gained a little over two pounds! That is the really, really short version of what's been going down the last couple of months.

I wanted to write about something else though. I was at the store today, which was a serious chore since I have the stomach flu but we were out of sprite and that's the only thing I even want to go near so off to the store I went. Anyway...so I was at the store today and I got my sprite and I was talking to the cashier about how I hope I don't share my flu germs with Ryan and ended up talking about his adoption...which I'm sure I do too much of with everyone I meet...and she says "adopting TWO kids with special needs...you must be a glutton for punishment". 

I have heard that exact phrase more times than I can count. A glutton for punishment. Someone who goes out of their way to make their life miserable. I don't know if people don't truly understand the meaning of what they're saying...or if they truly think that I should be miserable because I chose to parent these kids. Either way, it's hurtful...not to me, I'm a big girl...I made my choices and I know not everyone will agree with them but it's hurtful to my kids. To say they don't deserve parents, or a family? To say their very existence causes misery to the people who are raising them? That's horrible.

Did I choose a life that is harder than it HAD to be? You betcha. If I never adopted my kids I would be able to do SO much more with, and without my biological kids. We could afford more trips, I could easily find babysitters and go on weekend getaways with my husband. I would never have to change a diaper again. I wouldn't have to learn sign language. I wouldn't have to be on the phone fighting insurance half the day. I wouldn't have to craft til my fingers bled the other half of the day to pay for medical supplies and bills. My credit score would be a lot higher without all those medical debts, too. I could have a nicer car...I could afford a nicer house...materialistically I am absolutely a GLUTTON for punishment because I chose to parent kids from across the ocean with severe medical needs.

But material things fade. Every single shiny new toy will find it's way to a landfill sooner or later and what will we have to show for all the stuff we chose to collect? Instead of having stuff, I get to watch tiny broken humans become whole again. Everyday they grow, and learn, and trust a little more. Their eyes are bright with the hope of a future. I get to watch a little girl who was never supposed to walk climb up and down stairs. I get to watch a little seven year old boy learn how to shake a rattle and giggle because for the first time in his life he is allowed to play and be a kid. Their entire existence is no longer wrapped up in figuring out how to stay alive one more day, they're free now. There is not an ounce of punishment in watching their stories unfold. Not one ounce. I feel nothing but gratitude for having been put on a path that led me to them. The real tragedy would be if I was a glutton for materialism, or comfortability...because if I put either of those things on a pedestal, I wouldn't have my kids. 

We only get one life on this planet...and it's fleeting in the grand scheme of things. Maybe mine is a little harder, a little more stressful...but it's also so much richer for having chosen the road less traveled by.